Tattoos!

Sorry it's been forever since I blogged, but I have decided to change my usual blog talk about life experiences to just any thoughts I had on any certain subject as well.

Tattoos are something I am completely fascinated with. Everyone has their views on it, some more harsh or addictive than others. However, what I don't understand is why if people have them they are degraded by others who's views don't agree with them. Nowadays people are more into tattoos than they were in the past. Tattoos are something personal to certain people. I have a tattoo that I got that is in honor of my mother. People ask me all the time what it means and every single time I love saying its meaning because it will always mean the same thing even after I leave this world. I do intend on getting another tattoo one day (sorry mom and dad) but it will happen. I love the reminder of knowing my moms tattoo is there and knowing other ones will be there because the symbolize something special to me in my life. Sometimes we get so caught up in our daily lives I forget to stop and think about how beautiful life is and if I love or want something I should be able to reach for it and get it. To some of the older generations, tattoos seem silly. Some reasons I agree, the heart is a more permanent place to hold things that are dear and personal to you. However, if I can agree with their statements I do believe they can understand mine. I am an artist and a writer. I love to dance, I love music and writing and being able to express and share my emotion to an audience and to myself is what I look forward to doing for the rest of my life. Why can't I simply have the pleasure to put something on my skin if something as important as my mother in my life, I inked already? Nothing won't stop me from getting it, that's one thing my father told me, "Anneleise, in the end you will do what you want to do because in the end, you are the one left with a decision." That was probably one of the most memorable quotes I have from my father. Even though he never agreed to tattoos, he supported me for my love of them. Isn't that what family is about? Supporting each other? In some instances, yes, I do believe family has the right to stop you from doing something absolutely horrible, but tattooing?

I don't expect anyone to change their minds, my father didn't but coming to an understanding is what I hoped to have accomplished.

to be continued...

What do you do when you hate the position that you put yourself in? It was my entire fault. I knew I had something good but me being scared of anything good to come into my life, I automatically had to shut out. You can’t help what happens in your past, you can only help what happens in the future. Now I am standing in my own mess, lost and vulnerable. At this point, I am still trying to figure out how to solve my own mistake. I know what I want now but it’s not up to me anymore. I put myself here and now I have to deal with the consequences, whatever they may be. If the outcome isn’t how I wanted then, I guess it wasn’t meant to be.

Time and Change

Lately I have been in this mood where I can’t seem to decide what I want out of life, love or basically anything. I say one thing and I will try my hardest to stick to it but then my mind will change. I always thought change was a good thing, until it gets to the point where you can’t even make up your mind. I want to be so many things, I want to do so many things that I feel like I don’t have enough time in this lifetime of mine. What do you do when you don’t have enough time? Well, I think I came up with a solution, however, I don’t know if it’s the right answer. Going through life is one thing and getting what you want out of it is another, so why not just live life day by day and love each and every minute of every day? Someone I had hurt, someone I had cared about told me these wise words. For your career, we all should have some sort of plan but for life? Life is about not knowing, about taking chances, whether you are ready for it or not. It’s the surprise that keeps life so interesting. I had made the mistake of planning everything out in my life. Who was supposed to be in it and who couldn’t “fit the picture.”

A lot can happen when you get out of a long relationship, you can lose yourself, and forget about everything that happened for the past three years. To me, I was afraid I wouldn’t find someone that will make me feel that way again. But ladies, we are wrong. How is it possible that one person can change the way we feel about ourselves and about other people? Whether someone has hurt us, or it didn’t just work out, they were meant to be in our lives to teach us a lesson.

Whether every girl admits it or not, we like it when a guy puts us in our place. That is something I never had. Yes I like the nice guys, but I like to know when I am wrong about some things and that is exactly what happened. Finally someone stopped me from making a huge mistake, telling me I was wrong for doing this and yet I was the lucky girl. I finally saw how I had been acting and couldn’t bare to be this type of person any longer. I opened myself up, let life take me and now I am the happiest girl in the world. If this person reads this blog and knows it is about you, this is a thank you.

Ever since I was a little girl I always went to church with my father. I guess you can say it was our thing to do together. Being the stubborn child I was I never really wanted to go and I always seemed to give my dad such a hard time going. Now, I look back and see this new grown woman who wants to go to church more often. At first I did it for my father, for his piece of mind because I just wanted to see him happy but I still wasn’t feeling it. Today, something in me changed. From everything I have been through, everything I kept bottled up just came pouring out. I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I couldn’t help but think to myself, “I am the girl who is crying at church” who would have known. I felt him, God, his presence within me. I was so moved I just didn’t know what to do emotionally and spiritually. All I knew was what I had to do. I had to make peace with myself. Let go of everything that caused hatred and anger. The priest preached to us saying that you need to go to where the pain is, there you will find the love, the vulnerability and from there you will reach healing. I have reached Healing. Brennan Maning said, “We unwittingly project onto God our own attitudes and feelings toward ourselves… but we cannot assume that. He feels about us the way we feel about ourselves- unless we love ourselves compassionately, intensely, and freely.” Sometimes we feel we are unlovable but who says that you aren’t? God loves you unconditionally, he desires us. He knows us more than anyone. He loves us for who are and not for who we should be. “These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. “ John 15:9-17. Faith is what will keep us alive and happy and most importantly, full of love. One must love oneself before one can love you. Love is such a beautiful thing, whether it worked out with someone or it didn’t. Someone once told me, “sometimes you just can’t get up on your own, you need help.” Someone helped me this time. God helped me. So to all of my viewers, love. Love like you don’t care, love because its beautiful. Love because it is healthy.

Lesson Learned

There comes a time when you just have to sit down and ask yourself, what is it you really want. Not what your best friend wants or what your family thinks is best for you but what you want for yourself. I thought I wanted love but then that didn't quite work out as I hoped it would. Which taught me one of the biggest lessons I have learned yet. Going after my career and my dreams and making them reality is more than any guy can give me. My mother, my best friend, told me something that I won't be able to forget, "One's pride will always be more important than someone else's love." You matter more than anyone in this world and you will only be there when someone leaves you. However, the beauty of being so sure about a certain decision you've made, you learn a lot about yourself. I was in this situation not too long ago and I learned so much about myself that I knew I wasn't the same person anymore. I grew into such a strong determined woman, there was nothing or no one that was going to hold me back from life. Yet letting go was not an easy task, everything worth doing is difficult. What makes anything worth doing is knowing that you will benefit and grow from the outcome. So, I leave you with this quote from Tom Hanks, "It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great."